


Better This Way

by flipflop_diva



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Spoilers, F/F, Hurt, Natasha Feels, Natasha Needs a Hug, Natasha-centric, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Red Room references, Sam Wilson &; Natasha Romanov Friendship, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:34:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflop_diva/pseuds/flipflop_diva
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forgiveness has never been a trait Natasha puts much stock in, and she is definitely not about to forgive a girl who messed with her mind on purpose and has the power to do so again. But life has a funny way of working out, and sometimes you have to do things you never thought you would. Set post-AoU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better This Way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paperclipbitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperclipbitch/gifts).



> To paperclipbitch, I tried to incorporate a few of the things you asked for as well as a few characters. I've never written Wanda before, so while I had fun challenging myself, I more hope she fits with your view of her. And overall, I hope you enjoy!

The apology came less than an hour after the team had moved into their new home in the bunker in the middle of upstate New York. Wanda caught her arm as she was walking by, and Natasha spun around and glared so hard, the girl actually took a step back.

Natasha didn’t feel bad, though. If they were going to live and co-exist together, then Wanda needed to learn to respect boundaries.

She apologized then, Wanda did, the apology as stuttered as Wanda’s eyes were full of fear. She mumbled something about being sorry, and Natasha brushed her off with an, “It’s fine,” even though it was far from being fine — her memories, the ones she could remember and were sure were real, were her most deeply guarded possessions, hers alone to shove away into the far recesses of her mind where no one could find them, and it bothered her more than anything that had ever happened to her to know they could be messed with at the whims of a girl she couldn’t even begin to imagine trusting. But there was no way in hell she was telling Wanda that, so she nodded at her once and walked away.

She thought the situation was over then — Wanda had apologized, she’d told her it was fine, everyone had moved on — but she had thought wrong.

“You know, she doesn’t bite,” Sam said to her late one night, about three weeks after they’d all moved in. It was supposed to be team movie night — Steve’s idea of a bonding experience — but everyone else, even their esteemed leader, had drifted away somewhere before the movie had even finished.

“Who?” she asked, grabbing another handful of popcorn. She had a feeling she knew exactly who, and she did not like the direction this conversation was moving in. 

Sam nudged her in the side. “You know who,” he said.

Natasha shook her head, but she kept her eyes on the movie she was no longer watching. “It’s fine, Sam. She apologized, I accepted, we’re all good.”

“There’s a difference between telling someone you accept an apology and actually accepting that apology.”

“I don’t forgive that easily.”

“I’ve noticed,” Sam said, and he chuckled softly. She shot him a look before turning back to the movie.

“But you think I should,” she said. She didn’t even pretend it was a question.

“I think,” he started slowly, “that we’re all on the same team now, and someday there might come a time when you might need to reply on her, or trust her, and can you do that if you never forgive her?”

This time she turned to look at him straight on. “Yes,” she coolly, and she meant it. Trusting someone out on the field was entirely different than trusting someone with her forgiveness. That she didn’t hand out easily, if ever.

“Okay,” Sam said, then paused for a few moments, like he was trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say next without upsetting her.

“Just say it,” she told him.

“I was just going to say that it’s not always a bad thing to let people in.”

She frowned, and it actually took a concentrated effort to keep her voice calm, something she normally didn’t have to do around Sam. “She messed with my head,” she said slowly. “You have no idea what that’s like.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Then don’t tell me how to feel.”

“Natasha …”

“Don’t.” Her fingers tightened just barely around the popcorn bowl in her lap. She felt like she needed to have something to hold on to. Sam was supposed to be her friend …

“I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I wasn’t trying to say what she did was right or that you have to be okay with it in any format. I was just trying to say that maybe she can help you.”

“I don’t need help.”

“Really?” His voice was concerned, gentle, not mean. She ground her teeth. “So you’re sleeping fine and you’re not wandering off staring into space?”

“Steve needs to stop telling you things.”

“He’s just worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“Okay,” Sam said. He leaned back against the couch. She knew that was his way of telling her he wasn’t going to bother her anymore, and he was waiting for her to make the next move. 

She sighed. “I don’t know why you’d think if I did need help I’d ever tell Wanda anything,” she said quietly.

He turned his head to look at her. She met his eyes. 

“I know it’s hard for you to talk about — understandably,” he said, “I just figured she already knows. It might make it easier.”

He had a point. But no. No, she was never going to talk to that witch about anything even remotely personal. 

She shook her head. “It wouldn’t.”

“Okay,” he said, then he grinned at her. “Do you think you could share the popcorn though? You’re kind of a pig tonight.”

She couldn’t help it. She grinned back at him and pull the bowl in closer to her chest. “Nope,” she said. “All mine.” And she stuffed a handful into her mouth to show him just how much.

•••

The day that she had to trust Wanda came much sooner than she would have liked. There were still remnants of Hydra bases popping up everywhere, and this time, Steve had sent her and Wanda to check out a lead. Maria had said that satellites showed it was a mostly deserted warehouse and they should be able to get in and out, and hack into the computers there, without much issue.

But of course there was an issue. They weren’t alone, not by any stretch. They’d walked into a trap, and all of a sudden, they were surrounded by at least fifty men with guns.

Wanda was good to fight with. She could knock down hordes of them at a time as Natasha went after the ones trying to hide. It was near the end of the battle, when Natasha was tired and bleeding from where a bullet had grazed her leg, that she turned to see Wanda, almost aglow in red light, holding her hands toward some of the men left alone.

She’d seen Wanda use her powers in training. Of course she had. Steve wanted them to train and practice and test the limits of everything. But seeing her use them there, in that warehouse … Natasha’s mouth went dry and she swore her heart was going to pound out of her chest. It was all she could do to keep breathing and try to move toward Wanda.

She must have looked worse than she felt, because Wanda’s eyes widened in horror the second she saw her, and then before Natasha could even think to react, Wanda’s powers had vanished and she was standing by Natasha’s side, an arm around her waist, leading her toward the exit. Wanda made her sit the minute they were clear of the warehouse, and then pulled a water bottle out of a backpack Natasha hadn’t even known she’d had.

“I’m fine,” she managed, but her voice sounded strangely thin even to her own ears.

Wanda didn’t appear to believe her. She just dropped down beside her, a little too close for Natasha’s liking, but she felt too exhausted suddenly to even try inching away. 

They were quiet for awhile, Natasha sipping the water and Wanda just staring at her in such a way that Natasha felt a little like how she imagined a zoo animal must feel.

“What?” she finally gasped.

Wanda dropped her eyes for a second, her cheeks flushing. But then when she looked back up, she looked almost sad. “I don’t like using my powers like that,” she said quietly. “To hurt people. At least not now.” She took a breath, then continued. “I just wanted revenge. In the beginning. That’s all I wanted. But now … well, I didn’t think then how it would feel when you use your powers on someone you really like and then they can’t ever look at you again.”

Natasha frowned. She had a feeling Wanda was talking about her, but none of it made any sense. Wanda hadn’t even _known_ her when it happened.

She opened her mouth to tell Wanda, again, that it was fine, but what came out were words she didn’t even know she intended to say. 

“I keep having nightmares. And I don’t know how to stop them.”

Wanda’s eyes seemed to grow almost sadder. “About what I did to you?”

Natasha shook her head. “No,” she said. She realized she was whispering, but she hadn’t actually intended to. “About what _they_ did to me. It just keeps replaying in my head, every time I close my eyes.”

“That’s why you don’t sleep,” Wanda said. Natasha wasn’t actually sure how she knew that, but she also wasn’t sure she wanted to ask her. Just sitting here outside, she was realizing how tired she was, how very tired …

It was like Wanda knew. Natasha felt her slip an arm around her and pull her against her shoulder. The last thing Natasha remembered thinking before the world around her went black was just how soft Wanda felt.

•••

She sprang back into consciousness almost a day later in the medical ward of the new Avengers bunker. She had long ago learned how to wake up and assess a situation without anyone, even her doctors, being any the wiser, so it only took her five minutes to realize that the bullet wound she’d thought was minor actually hadn’t been and she’d passed out from blood loss minutes before reinforcements had arrived to take her and Wanda back.

Natasha had a horrible feeling, though, that she really had confessed things to Wanda she now wished she hadn’t.

She waited until Wanda was the only one in her room before opening her eyes — she’d also figured out that Steve, Sam and Wanda liked to take turns sitting with her, as though they thought she couldn’t be alone, which really was ridiculous considering the amount of times in her life she had woken up by herself.

“Hi,” she said softly, to alert the girl to her presence. Wanda, who had been typing something on her tablet, noticeably jumped as her eyes widened. 

“You’re awake!” Wanda said.

Natasha managed half a smile. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

“I think Steve will be the disappointed one. He had tomorrow in Rhodey’s betting pool. I had tonight.” She grinned, a grin that lit up her whole face. Natasha oddly enough almost felt like she couldn’t breath again.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Wanda continued.

“Thank you,” Natasha told her. “For getting me out of there.”

“That’s what teammates are for, right? At least I hear.”

Natasha laughed. “Yeah,” she said. She wanted to tell Wanda she owed her, but she didn’t. In the back of her mind, she could hear Sam’s voice. _“There’s a difference between telling someone you accept an apology and actually accepting that apology.”_

She closed her eyes. She still wasn’t entirely sure she could forgive Wanda for what happened, but at least now it seemed like a possibility.

“Are you tired?” Wanda asked her. “I could leave.” Natasha opened her eyes. Wanda must have seen something she didn’t mean to let her see because she quickly amended. “Or I can stay?”

Natasha shrugged. It unnerved her that Wanda could sense things about her. “Up to you.”

“I used to have nightmares a lot after our parents died,” Wanda said. “They would get worse and worse. But Pietro knew how to help.”

Natasha tilted her head. She really wished she hadn’t shared this particular piece of information with Wanda, but now she was curious. 

“How?” She wondered if Wanda was going to tell her some old tale of drinking honey with milk or maybe counting sheep.

“He’d sit with me and hold my hand.”

Natasha scoffed. “And that takes away nightmares?”

“Sometimes it’s just nice to know you aren’t alone.”

Natasha wanted to reply that she was always alone and it was fine, but before she could, Wanda was slipping her fingers between hers. She had an urge to pull her hand away instantly and snap at the girl to not touch her without asking, but Wanda’s hand was warm and stronger than Natasha would have expected, and she _was_ awfully tired, and Sam _had_ told her to try with Wanda, and what did it hurt?

She fell asleep letting Wanda hold her hand. In her dreams, Wanda pressed her lips to Natasha’s and they felt as warm as her fingers. She awoke to find Wanda fast asleep beside her, but their hands still entwined.

It was the first time she hadn’t had a nightmare in months.

Natasha closed her eyes again. She didn’t really believe that hand-holding would keep the nightmares away, but she did have an odd feeling in her chest. For a moment she wondered if it was what acceptance felt like, but as she drifted back to sleep, she decided it felt more like healing.


End file.
